Snapchat recently released Snapmap, a location feature that tracks the user in real time. What this means, is that if your child has this feature turned on, someone can see exactly where they are at any given moment. It’s never a good idea for kids to post information where they might be found in-person so this feature poses a lot of potential problems. The good news, is that it’s easy to disable.
How does Snapmap work?
When enabled, the user’s Bitmoji Avatar (the cartoon they’ve created to look like them) will be visible to their friends, as well as the public if their account is not private. Their Avatar will be shown walking around in their current location on the map. They will also see where their friends and public users are located.
Public events and videos will also be visible as well as a “heat map” where lots of public users are posting.
How can I tell if Snapmap is enabled?
Snapchat is not always easy to use and this feature is a little tricky to locate. When you open Snapchat it should open the camera.
Squeeze your fingers together on the camera screen and the map should appear. You can then tell if the feature is enabled or not.
How to turn Snapmap off:
Step 1: Click on your avatar and open your settings by clicking on the wheel in the upper right hand corner.
Step 2: Open your settings and click on Who Can “See My Location”
Step 3: Make sure “Ghost Mode” is turned on.
Step 4: Go back to the camera (Home) screen and pinch your fingers together to bring up the map.It should look like this (with a ghost for a head)…
Everyday after school, Sarah checks her Instagram account. She likes to see what her friends are doing, but often feels worse after reading their status updates. What they post always looks so much better than whatever she is doing. She sees friends at the beach, drinking Starbucks and having a GREAT time. She also notices how pretty, photogenic and happy they appear. By the time she sets her phone down, she feels terrible. She believes her life is not nearly as exciting. She is not as pretty or popular or amazing. Sarah is suffering from a classic case of Social Media Hangover.
This phenomenon is extremely common for both kids and grown-ups. We often compare our lives to what we see posted on social media and most of us feel worse after perusing our friends’ accounts. The reality is that Social Media profiles are an illusion. They are carefully crafted. People don’t typically post terrible pictures of themselves. They don’t create updates of the boring, mundane tasks of their day. Instead, most people create an enviable social media image.
Social media can be a lot of fun. It helps up stay in touch with people we wouldn’t otherwise. However, often times our kids feel badly about themselves when they compare their real lives to their friends social media profiles.
One teen girl told me, “I usually take 200+ selfies before choosing one to post. I always edit it too so I look my best.” Another teen admitted that she purposely posts pictures showing how much fun she’s having, and who she’s with, so people will think she’s really popular.
It is really important to talk to our kids about the fantasy aspect of social media. Just as models are highly edited and airbrushed, most of us create Social Media accounts that show an ideal life that doesn’t truly reflect reality.
I encourage you to talk to your child about the Social Media Hangover phenomenon. You can start the conversation with the following questions:
Do you think Social Media is real?
Why do people edit photos of themselves before posting?
Do you ever feel badly when you compare yourself to your friends’ profiles?
Would you say you feel better or worse after being on Social Media?
Do you think someone is more popular than you if they have more followers on Instagram?
Have you ever seen a profile of someone you know well that doesn’t seem like an accurate reflection of his or her life?
Because our digital footprints are permanent, I always encourage kids to post updates that show themselves in a positive light. However, it’s really important for kids to understand that social media is not real. It can be damaging to kids’ self-esteems when they compare themselves to others’ “exciting and perfect lives.”
One fun exercise is for kids to look over their own profile. Usually they see how great their Social Media lives look too and it can help them to remember not to take other profiles too seriously.
*Stacey regularly checks her son’s phone to make sure he doesn’t have any inappropriate photos. She was surprised to discover that the calculator on his phone was actually a new secrecy app used for hiding images and videos.
Unfortunately, there has been a big increase in apps like Calculator % that are designed to hide pictures and files behind a password protected calculator. Many teens feel they can safely store pornography or sexting messages.
This is dangerous for several reasons. As with any digital program, nothing is truly private. These messages and photos can be discovered and potentially become public. There are cases of high school “pornography rings” where teens have circulated nude images and hidden them behind these secret photo vault apps. Another problem is that these types of images and videos are potentially damaging to both the sender and receiver. Teens need to think about why they want this content on their phones in the first place. Sexting is illegal and has lead to hurt feelings, extreme regret, public embarrassment, lowered self-esteem and suicide.
If you discover your child is using a secrecy app or hidden photo vault, it’s a great opportunity to discuss the risks.
Ask them:
Why do they want these images?
Do they understand the danger of having inappropriate information on their phones?
Discuss the risks of sexting and how it can be damaging to both the sender and receiver.
If you would like to monitor which apps your son or daughter download, you can set-up your parental controls so that you are notified.
The goal is not to police your child. However, problems with digital technology are so prevalent that it’s crucial you stay involved. Keep the conversations going and help your child use technology in a healthy, safe way.
Finally an app that helps kids make good choices: ReThink-A Cyberbullying Prevention App.
Everyday it seems we hear about apps that are dangerous for our kids. Not only can it be hard to keep up, but it can feel overwhelming and scary.
There is a new app that help kids make good choices and keep them safe.
ReThink is a free app that helps kids and teens pause before sending or posting messages that might be hurtful.
When a message has certain warning words (embarrassing, hate, hurt, etc.) a pop-up message appears that says:
“Are you sure you want to say that?” (or a similar sentiment).
It was designed to reduce Cyberbullying, and is surprisingly effective.
According to their website,
“When teens are alerted to ReThink their decision, they change their minds 93% of the time.”
I installed it on my phone to see how it works and it’s great. Just the other day I was sending a message where I said something about being embarrassed and I got an alert:
“Is this the type of person you are?”
I chuckled because it was not a hateful message; however if it had been mean-spirited it would have helped me re-evaluate my message.
Rethink helps kids and teens think through what they are saying before hitting send.
I had two experiences last week that helped me realize how early we need to start teaching our kids to use technology safely.
My youngest daughter Meadow is 8. She does not have a cellphone, text or use social media. She does have an ipad though, which I had set up as securely as possible, and thought we were all good. (Click here to read how you can do that on your devices too.)
However, as often happens to me as a parent, something eye-opening happened and I realized she was more than ready.
First, Meadow came home from a play date and told me she was excited because she and her friend talked to “Batman” while playing Minecraft. I was busy cooking dinner so my first impulse was to say, “Oh, that’s nice.” But I made myself stop what I was doing to find out more. When I dug a little deeper, I realized she and her friend were chatting with a stranger. Even though she reassured me that he was not a “Bad Guy,” I asked her to show me her ipad so I could see how the chat feature works. I discovered she was free to type anything she pleased. (Lots of kids games have limited chat features, with pre-written choices for conversation.) This sparked a conversation on why it’s not safe to talk to strangers online and how the internet is not a safe place to make friends. At 8, she was just excited to have the honor of talking to “Batman.” However, she didn’t realize he could be someone else (which call me crazy, I’m guessing he was).
The second incident happened a couple of days later. Even though Meadow doesn’t have a cellphone, she has recently started using Facetime and imessage with a good friend on her ipad. Since this is her buddy, it didn’t occur to me to talk to her about cyberbullying or the public nature of messaging. Once again it was a lesson for good ole’ mom on the importance of talking about these issues before they become a problem.
Meadow is an animal lover and she and her friend got the idea it would be great fun to have pet pigs. Meadow mentioned that her friend was mad at her because she wanted to be the only one to have a pig. Again, my impulse was to say “Oh that’s too bad.” But instead, I asked to see her ipad. I was pretty shocked when I saw the nature of their messages. What started out as a fun time chatting about pigs quickly turned into a mean-spirited conversation. Her friend was REALLY mad at her and was letting her know it! Meadow actually handled it very well, and didn’t get nasty back. I quickly realized though that she was more than ready for training on texting safety.
I was waiting to teach her once she had a cell phone and a digital social life, but this was a mistake. She is ready now.
If your child is online or has any kind of digital life, I highly encourage you to talk about the following:
Don’t chat with strangers online. It’s too risky and just not safe. Instead of trying to figure out whether or not someone is who he or she claims to be, a blanket rule is safest. (Let’s face it; chatting with Batman is pretty appealing to an 8 year old!)
Handle conflicts in-person. Even after I called Meadow’s friend’s mom to talk about the upsetting messages, the girls wanted to Facetime to talk about it. Instead we had them wait and talk in-person. This situation was the perfect example of how kids say things digitally that they would never in person.
Discuss how digital conversations are public. When I first asked to see her messages Meadow said, “No, they’re private.” It was the perfect time to sit down and explain that actually no, they aren’t. The messages could be copied and forwarded to anyone. She hadn’t realized this (and I hadn’t taught her.)
Stay in the loop. As parents, we are busy. However, it really doesn’t take very long to sit down and check-in with our kids. In both of these situations I was focused on something else and my initial impulse was to brush it off. However, I am SO glad I didn’t. I would have missed discussing both a safety issue and a really important teachable moment, that sparked some great conversations.
It can be a challenge to realize when our young kids are ready for this type of training. I felt relieved that Meadow’s first problem happened with a good friend. They both learned a lot, on a small scale. However, it did surprise me that she needed these lessons already. I encourage you to get these conversations started.
At 8, Meadow doesn’t need to know everything a preteen or teen would about technology. However, she’s definitely ready for the basics.
Have you had similar situations with your younger kids? How have you handled them and what have you learned? I’d love to hear your stories. In this ever-changing digital world, we can all learn from each other.
Are you thinking of getting your child a cell phone for Christmas or Hannukah? Do they already use one but you’d like to establish some concrete rules and guidelines with them? I have a great tool for you: my freeCell phone contract
It’s really important that we talk with our kids about our expectations for their digital lives. Clear rules can help them make good choices when using their devices.
My holiday gift to you is the attached cell phone contract. I encourage you to go over it with your child and answer their questions. (Of course feel free to adjust it to your own personal rules.)
It’s important to realize that our kids are still learning and will make mistakes with their devices. The good news is that by keeping the lines of communication open and being clear on your expectations you can help them navigate their new responsibility smoothly.
Do you worry about how to protect your child from online pornography? I do.
When I’m creating my Cybersafety Classes, lots of times I search online for images for my videos. Over the years, the amount of pornographic pictures I have seen when searching really innocent words (teenagers, dating, cellphones, etc. ) could make your head spin. The last few months, I’ve noticed a HUGE increase in the number of naked and sexual pictures online. (Some of them were so graphic, it made me feel sick.) It was getting so common and so disturbing, I honestly dreaded looking things up. Every time this happened, I thought about my daughters and how upsetting it would be for them to see some of these images. As a grown-up I could barely handle it.
I started investigating to see if anything had changed with my settings. One thing I discovered was that both Yahoo and Google have options to turn on “Safe Search.” (Mine was not on.) Just by changing this setting, the majority of pornographic pictures were filtered out. (Instructions for turning on settings are at the end of the post.)
I also started thinking about my 8 year old, and how she loves to ask Suri to show her pictures of things. (Unicorns, dragons, etc.) I immediately went to check the settings on her device and made sure it was also set appropriately.
Over the years a lot of parents have asked me about software that helps block inappropriate sites and information. I’ve always advocated for educating kids about how to search safely, instead of relying on software to make good choices for them. I still believe education is the most important piece to empowering kids to use technology safely. However, after realizing how much more prevalent online pornography has become, it might be something to consider, especially for younger kids.
The most popular product available is called: Nanny Net. Not only does it block inappropriate content but it also monitors Social Media usage for things like Cyberbullying and Sexting. This type of software is not foolproof and the older kids get, the more savvy they become at getting around restrictions. Education should always be step one. However, when dealing with younger kids, this can be a good option. (If you choose to use internet filtering software, you will need to purchase licenses for each of your devices.)
As parents, we always want to protect our kids. With the internet, it is not always easy. However, by taking a few minutes to check the settings on your computers and devices, you can protect them from a lot of really graphic, inappropriate information and help them use technology safely.
To change your search settings on Yahoo:
Go to the Yahoo Search box and type “search”
Click on the gear icon in the upper right hand corner and go to “Preferences”
Choose “Safe Search”
You will have options: Strict, Moderate or Off ( I recommend starting with “Strict” and if too much regular content is filtered out, then adjust to moderate.
To change your search settings on Google:
Start at www.google.com
Click “Settings” in the lower right hand corner
Choose Search Settings
Turn Safe Search On.
On an Iphone, Ipad or Ipod:
Go to “Settings”
Choose General
Find Restrictions
Here you can enter a passcode to block adult content. You can even specify what movies you want them to have access to, music, videos, websites, etc.
If you find that too much regular content is being filtered out, you can adjust your settings.
Please share this information with your friends so we can protect our kids.
Does your child talk to strangers online? You might be surprised by the answer.
In July, I spent a few days in Southern California filming new footage for my online program. I always love working with kids and hearing their stories about their experiences using technology. I was really encouraged that many of them seemed to really understand the concept that everything they do in the digital world is public and to be careful about what they post.
I was pretty shocked though when I asked how many of them have chatted with strangers online. They all had! Even though they seemed to logically understand that this wasn’t a good idea, they did it anyway.
I decided to do a little detective work and looked-up some of the tweens I know on Instagram, to see how many people on average they were following and being followed by. It was pretty alarming. Some of them had as many as 500 followers! It’s true that these are sweet kids, but they do not have that many friends.
Part of the problem is that kids feel popular with lots of followers. They also often feel like they know the other person since he or she is a friend-of-a-friend or they’ve seen them around. However, this just isn’t safe.
Kids often post personal information, including where they go to school, live and other details that could make it easy for someone to find them in-person. Kids have been hurt by grown-ups, pretending to be kids and then luring them into a meeting.
Another risk with befriending strangers has to do with the much-loved selfie. Everyday I see tweens posting selfies, oftentimes from their bedrooms. This is especially dangerous if they have a public account and/or use the “Map my photo” feature since with just one click people can see where they live. Kids should never post anything that would make it possible for someone to find them in-person.
During our taping session, I asked the kids what questions they get asked the most by strangers. Here are some of the most popular answers:
You can watch the clip (and a sneak peak from Cyberstrong Kids 2015) here:
Strangers wanted to know:
-Where do you live?
-What’s your name?
-What school do you go to?
-How old are you?
They realized that strangers could figure out how to find them by asking enough personal questions and that this is dangerous.
We had a great conversation about how anyone can pretend to be someone they aren’t in the cyberworld and that it’s really important to only make friends or accept follow requests from people they actually know.
If you haven’t talked with your child about using caution when interacting with strangers online, I highly encourage you to take a few minutes to make sure they understand the risks. Also, if your child uses Social Media sit down with them and look over their friend and followers lists and make sure they personally know everyone on their lists. Encourage your children to make as many friends as they like in person, but the cyberworld is not a safe place to make new friends.
Some questions that can help you get the conversation started:
-Has a stranger ever tried to talk to you online? What happened? What did you do?
-Do you personally know all of your friends/followers on your Social Media accounts?
-What would you do if you met someone online who wanted to meet you in-person?
-How do you know the person you are chatting with is who they say they are?
Talking with your child about the risks of interacting with strangers online is a conversation that is too important not to have.
Watch your inbox for my soon-to-be-released Cyberstrong Kids 2015 program, which covers this topic as well as much more.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you. Has your child had any problems with strangers online? How do you help your child limit the number of friends and followers they have on Social Media sites?
Most parents worry that kids spend too much time on their phones. There are steps you can take to help them unplug.
Last week, my family spent a week at the beach. Of course the sun, sand and surf were amazing. However, what I loved most about our trip was that our daughters unplugged. No WIFI. No Instagram. No texting. Yes, I’ll admit, at first they were a bit lost. But it was great to see how they used the time once the initial discomfort wore off. My 12 year-old spent hours body surfing, boogie boarding and reading. My 8 year-old dug for sand crabs, splashed in the waves and built sandcastles. They were both so present and in the moment.
I have to admit, it took me a while to adjust as well. But before long, I was having so much fun playing games, making jewelry, swimming, reading and coloring. I didn’t realize how nice it would be to take a vacation from technology.
If your kids are like most, they spend a huge amount of time on their devices over summer. I get it. It’s easier sometimes to let them plug-in. But you will be amazed at the creativity that is born from tech-free time.
5 Ways to Help your Child Unplug:
Create an “Unplugged” Schedule: Set a time during the day that is technology-free. No ipads, cell phones, video games, etc. Most likely your child will not think this is a great idea. That’s okay. If your child is short on ideas, you can suggest they invite over a friend, bake something, do an art project, play a board game, ride bikes, or go for a swim. The ideas are endless once they start brainstorming.
Family Time: Our less-scheduled summer days are the perfect time to do something fun together Play a board game, go to the river, take a hike, go on a picnic. Keep in mind, it’s really important to put your devices away too. We model the behavior we expect from our kids and they will definitely notice if we aren’t unplugging as well.
Get Out Into The Community: Check your local events calendar to see what’s going on around town. The summer months are full of outdoor concerts, picnics, reading programs and day camps. Many of these events are free. Encourage your child to leave their phone at home and enjoy the day.
Allow Boredom: I’m sure you’ve all heard it: “I’m bored!” Devices are a quick go-to response for many of us. However, allowing your child to be “bored” usually inspires them to do something much more creative.
Tech-Time: Allow some time during the day where they can use technology. Whether it’s texting friends, watching a show or playing a video game, let them have some space to plug-in. Kids miss their friends when school is out and often times social media is the easiest way for them to connect. It’s okay to give them some time to interact as long as there are limits.
I’d love to hear from you. How have you helped your child unplug? What obstacles did you face? How did you overcome them? Click here to comment on my Facebook Page. As parents, we can all learn from each other.
Does your child watch a lot of YouTube shows? If you answered “yes” you are not alone. You may wonder: Is YouTube safe for kids?
When I was 13, I spent many hours watching my favorite tv shows. I can remember cuddling with my sister, watching Threes Company and The Facts of Life after school.
Kids today are growing up watching huge amounts of shows too. However, they aren’t glued to the tv. Instead, they are on their devices watching their favorite YouTube stars. Awesomeness TV, PewDiePie, Bethany Mota and Smosh may be unfamiliar names to you, but chances are they are familiar to your child. In fact, a recent study in Variety Magazine found that the top 5 most influential people amongst US Teens are YouTube celebrities.
The problem with YouTube is that videos are not monitored or controlled the way tv shows were when we were growing up. It’s ridiculously easy to click on something inappropriate and can be a challenge to monitor what your child is exposed to.
Furthermore, many kids want their own YouTube channels. My daughter and her friends talk about wanting to make and upload their own videos. Although fun, this poses risks as well.
The good news is there is something you can do.
5 Steps To Use Youtube Safely:
1. Monitor your child’s viewing:
I know as parents we are all super busy, but I can’t stress enough how important it is to take the time to check in with your kids’ digital lives. A good starting place is with what they are watching on YouTube. Since a Google Account is required to watch and post to Youtube, it is a good idea to either have your child use your account or to create a family account that notifies you of activity.
Take time to talk with your child about their favorite YouTube channels. Sit down and have them show you some of their favorites so you can get an idea of what they’re watching .
Once you have a feel for a channel, subscribe to it and receive notifications of new videos. This is much safer than allowing your child to use the search feature to find things to watch.
Teach your child to be careful about clicking on “Up Next” videos as they aren’t always as appropriate.
You can also click on “History” at the bottom of the YouTube Home Page to see recently viewed videos and make sure they are suitable for your child.
2. Enable Safety Features:
YouTube has an option to turn on “Safety Mode” at the bottom of the screen. This helps block inappropriate information. It isn’t foolproof. It’s still a great idea to talk to your child about how easy it is to stumble across inappropriate videos and to share with you if they see stumble across something upsetting. Unfortunately there is a phenomenon called “YouTube Poop” where videos start off innocently enough but switch to inappropriate content mid-way. (My daughter and I experienced this first-hand years ago when her beloved Barney blew up mid-video!)
3. Protect Personal Information:
Kids are supposed to be at least 13 years old to have a YouTube account. However, many younger children create them anyway. If your child is dying to create his or her own YouTube Channel, make sure their personal information is protected. They should never post information that would allow someone to find them in real life. This means they shouldn’t say their full name, where they live, go to school, play sports, etc.
Also, talk about the danger of posting videos such as: Do You Think I’m Cute? (Pretty, Fat, etc.) It’s shocking how many tweens and teens post these videos on YouTube. As you can imagine, they are a breeding ground for hurt feelings.
4. Post Privately
When your child uploads a video, they can choose whether it is public (meaning anyone can watch it) or private (where they have to give the link to their viewers.) The second option is much safer since they control who views their posts. Again, this isn’t always fool proof since kids can share links or show them to people who haven’t been approved. This is the perfect opportunity to remind our kids that ANYTHING they post in the cyberworld has the potential to become public information. If they wouldn’t want it on a billboard in front of their school, they shouldn’t post it.
5. Disable Comments:
There are a lot of people who post mean comments after watching YouTube videos. This can cause a lot of hurt feelings. It is very easy to turn the comments off, eliminating communication from strangers or people with cruel things to say.
Just like with most technology, YouTube can be great fun but needs to be used responsibly. Talking to our kids about how to make safe choices and explaining why it’s necessary goes a long way with keeping them safe.
Step 1: Click on your avatar and open your settings by clicking on the wheel in the upper right hand corner.
Step 2: Open your settings and click on Who Can “See My Location”
Step 3: Make sure “Ghost Mode” is turned on.
Step 4: Go back to the camera (Home) screen and pinch your fingers together to bring up the map.It should look like this (with a ghost for a head)…
